A English Deerhound took bag Best in Show.
Last night, Hickory the English Deerhound took bag the highly desirable “Best in Show” at the 2011 borough Kennel Club Dog Show. My dog was busy, too. He took an epic shitting on the sidewalk that digit of the triplets stumbled upon, thank you rattling much. Look, I’m no dog whisperer, but I sense that Briggs was merely acting out in life of Hickory’s bounteous victory because my drink Lab knows damn substantially that he could easily take Best in Show. If they denaturized the categories, that is. Here are five he’d win hands down.
- Best Horse: I know what you’re thinking. Your dog has given plentitude a mate to a delighted toddler, right? Sure, but Briggs has not exclusive given whatever much rides, he regularly gives them concurrently to our 3-year-old triplets. I’d same to see Hickory pull that off. It’s belike mess up his pretty material or something.
- Humping: Maybe Hickory would assail me on this one, but I uncertainty it. Briggs humps anything that moves. Legs? He humps them. Table legs? He humps them. Stuffed animals? He humps them (before he eats them, that is, but more on that later.) Old ladies? He humps them, too. As evidenced by course ol’ Ms. Benzinger’s useless attempt at delivering us whatever Christmas candy in Dec of 2008. She survived the episode, but she couldn’t hit been happy most it. Maybe that’s ground we’ve not seen her since.
- Toy Destruction: Anytime Briggs gets anxious, he has a ultimate solution. Grab whatever digit of the multitude of plush toys which lay most the concern and countercurrent it to shreds. His stylish individual was a Duck titled Vinnie.
- Gas: Google Image SBD and you’ll see a represent of my kinsfolk running for the entranceway while Briggs sleeps on his backwards with every quaternary legs in the air, his mouth eerily agape, blissfully unmindful of the dense clouds of pernicious pedal he’s meet emitted. Pockets of reprehensibility so flagrant as to even be equipped with their own (and noticeably different) barometric pressures.
- Best Kisses: So, divagation from giving good equid rides, ground is it again that we hit Briggs? So he can unleash pink-lipstick-driven terror upon the elderly? Ruin every of my kids’ toys? Unknowingly country the concern with soporific bouts of deplorable gas? No. We hit Briggs for hour of those reasons. We hit Briggs because we fuck him. And he loves us. As evidenced by the sloppy dewy kisses he administers with his gigantic, frying-pan-shaped tongue. And though whatever of us are more easy with actually accepting those kisses than others, every of us are extremely pleased that he loves us enough to offer them out in the prototypal place.
Briggs gives the best kisses. If you're into that kinda thing.
So, Hickory the English Deerhound haw be amend in every way. But Briggs, my friends, is imperfectly amend in every way. Just same our lives.
I think we’ll ready him.
Tell me most y’all’s pet. Do you hit a dead flawed pet, too?
Image: Flickr/Mark Robinson
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